My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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