I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
