We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
