I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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