oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
