Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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