hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
