Already got asked if we're dating
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
