So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
