now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
