So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
