Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
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She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Shitshow foam night was such a success
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I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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