Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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