i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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