Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
