I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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