I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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