I wish I could punch you in the face.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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