girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she smelled like a LAN party
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
