Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
