why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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