my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
