After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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