Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
