I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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