So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
