Pappa wants mamma naked
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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