guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
