is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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