Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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