i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
