i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Sorry about my life...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
