I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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