sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
