I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
