remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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