break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize