His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
