so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
