You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
