ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
