All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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