Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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