So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
