I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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