Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
