I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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