Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
