Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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