is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
