eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
