We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
