belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
