I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
