I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I AM VODKA MAN
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
