dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
