I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
