a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
