my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
