how can u be prego again
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
