I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This is classic penis vs brain.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
