All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
