wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
