The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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