I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
