How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
