I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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