rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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