is your mom at the bar?
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
