wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
