My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
