Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
