You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
