if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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