She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
