i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
