I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
