We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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