hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
