if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
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I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
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I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
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