2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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