the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm sobbing to NWA
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
