I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
