In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Randomize
