I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
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