Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
