what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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