youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
