I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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