So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
